Decisions

Decision (n): a determination arrived at after consideration


Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking....about life. There are so many things that I want out of life, but I'm not where I need to be in life to get them. The main thing I've wanted is a baby. My maternal clock has been ringing loud as hell since 2007 and it won't shut off. I've tried and tried to get pregnant with no success. At first I thought that maybe it was me.....like my body wasn't fit to carry a child. Me and my boyfriend have been trying to get pregnant since December and obviously have had no luck. So I went and met with my OBGYN. I had the annual pap smear done along with a vaginal ultrasound. Doc said that everything with me is normal. All my female organs are healthy and working properly. This news of course made me sad, but what can I really do but keep trying. I talked to a good friend of mines and after our conversation and more thinking...I DECIDED to wait on having a baby. Growing up I always said that I would be married before I had a child. I truly believe that I haven't gotten pregnant yet because God wants me to stick to my plan. I don't want to be another set of statistics in today's society for single mothers.....single minority mothers at that. I don't want a "baby daddy" in my life nor do I want a part time father for my child. I always said that "my husband would be my child's father" and I mean this. Ryan and I love each other with everything that we have and we will get married. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be Mrs. Ryan H. so we are going to wait. I mean what's the rush anyhow? We definetly are not where we want to be finacially as a couple. We currently share a house with my cousin, his chick and their child....we need our own house. Our relationship isn't perfect and as a couple we have some things that we both need to work on. Our foundation is not set how we want it and God is telling us to get it together. So we will! Once we both are comfortable with our finances, in our own house, in a place in life where we are 110% happy, and MARRIED..... then we will try again to have a baby. I'm 1,000% confident that once we achieve this God will grant us the baby that we both desire. Until them I'm ok with waiting and becoming the woman that I'm meant to be.